Friday, July 1, 2011

Watching Porn and Relationships

There have been many studies done on how porn can affect a relationship. The only ones I have read talk about the negative effects it has - how porn can destroy a relationship and tear people apart. I have never seen anything done on the positive effects it can have on a relationship.

I can agree that in some instances porn can be harmful to a relationship, but I equal it to someone who has a problem with alcohol or drugs or even someone who works too much. There are many types of excess in the world that can harm a relationship and porn is always made an example because of its subject matter. Sure there are many websites about how porn destroys people and has caused so many breakups. But where are the websites about how someone being a workaholic can destroy a relationship, or someone who is obsessed with video games? I just hate how porn gets singled out as the most scandalous thing to harm a relationship.

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But porn can do damage to a relationship. There are many extremes to how bad it can get including porn addiction which can be very destructive. But usually there are more deep-rooted issues and the porn is just what the outside world sees as the culprit. Porn is just aiding the issue, but isn’t real issue that needs to be fixed.

You should be careful how much you let porn infiltrate your real life lovemaking. It’s never good when you compare your partner to the person that you are seeing on the screen. It may make them feel uncomfortable and insecure. If you say something like “why can’t you be more like so and so?” you might get smacked up side the head!

One negative side effect of porn is that sometimes people believe everything that happens in porn should happen in real life - that porn is the only way one should have sex. If you read my piece “I Am Not A Porn Star” you will know what I am talking about. I feel there are two sides to learning from porn. I have learned so many fun new things to try out with my boyfriend from watching porn - it has really opened up my eyes to new things I might like and would really be into. But I also remember that not everyone will be into that. When you start pressuring your partner to try something you saw in the movies or believe that whatever happens on the screen is what everyone wants you may run into some roadblocks.

Porn can make someone more adventurous. It can open your eyes to all sorts of new moves and tricks. Lots of times I have helped couples pick out a porn movie to spice things up. They want to try something new to liven up their boring sex life. Why not watch a porn movie where all sorts of fun stuff happens? They might see something they had never thought of and open up a whole new world for their sex lives. They might be freakier than they thought.

It can also help introduce toys into a relationship. Not all couples know how to use a sex toy together. There are so many things you can do with sex toys and sex, but hey, not everyone is as creative as me. People need some visual aid sometimes and by watching a movie that has toys in it, they can learn how to add some extra fun to their sexy times. Particularly with guys who don’t want to use toys, porn can show them how it works, helping them become more open to the idea.

No matter what your age and experience, people still need to learn how to do certain things, and there are many educational porn movies out there. There aren’t really a lot of sex classes available, but one can now watch a “How To” movie about different sexual techniques and ideas. You can learn all about blow jobs and positions and how to make a girl squirt. You can watch in the comfort of your own home and become an expert.

Porn lets someone live out his or her fantasy. They can see what they most desire on screen. Now this can be done together or alone. It’s been said by watching porn people can live out their fantasies and not have to stray from the relationship. They don’t need to leave home to find what they really want when they are not getting it with their partner. Maybe they are too scared to share what they like and only want to do it alone. By watching porn they can do that without looking for another person. But it can also help a person share his or her fantasies with their partner. By showing other people experiencing it, it might make the other party more comfortable in trying it out.

In the end it just matters what you and your partner think of porn. Thankfully my boyfriend loves watching porn as much as I do! If you aren’t sure, talk to the other person. You may be surprised at what you find out!

1 comment:

AlexEcon1776 said...

Actually, I don't think there has been any real serious study that can prove that porn negatively affects relationships. Anecdotal evidence based on people who say porn destroyed my marriage isn't enough to prove causality. Maybe there was something else that led one member of the couple to watch too much pornography. In addition, people who say porn destroyed my marriage tend to already not approve of porn. It's too easy to blame porn for problems in a relationship or cheating. One has to look at the possible factors and which ones have more weight in the outcome.