Monday, August 30, 2010

Things That Piss Me Off About Porn

I am Surrounded by porn, I review it and I work for production companies. Needless to say I have seen a lot of porn in my days. I have come to the point where I know what I like and I know what annoys the fuck out of me. I am about to get out all the annoying things I hate in porn to watch. Now I'm not going to name names for certain things but if you read something you do you may be one of the ones annoying me.

To read what annoys me click read more

1. Unnecessary boob sex moaning. Really ladies, does it really feel that good. Sure I can understand a slight noise or two but what really gets me is when a girl practically has an orgasm from it. You aren't fooling anyone, it doesn't feel that good.

2. Chipped nail polish. Presentation is everything for porn performers. You should be at your best and put together. I get completely distracted when a girl is playing with her clit and her nails are all chipped. Could you not have taken a few minutes and put a new coat on or even taken it off. Drives me nuts.

3. It's ok to be quiet. There are some girls that feel the need to talk the whole freaking time. Shut the fuck up. I don't to hear constant dirty talk or you basically narrating whats going on. I'm watching it now, I know what is going on! Sure moaning is fine, I would rather hear that. And don't get me wrong I like the occasional dirty talk but not when it never stops and there is not break from it.

4. Noisy blowjobs. One of my biggest pet peeves in my everyday life is noisy eaters. The slapping the lips and noises they make makes me want to punch babies. So there is nothing worse then a girl who is a noisy blowjob giver. I don't expect it to be silent because even I make noise sometimes. But when the whole blowjob is sucking and slapping and slurping noises, that bugs me.

5. Baby Talk. Ladies it's not cute when you talk to the penis in a little girl voice. It actually is kind of creepy sometimes. Big girl voices. Big girl voices all the time, otherwise I want to punch you in the vagina.

6. Missing spots shaving. However you want to style your hair down there is fine with me. But if you are going to spend time shaving, spend time getting every spot. I saw this girl the other day that had everything except for a few patches of hair she missed on her butt hole. And it's not like she skipped the whole area because she got some but not all of it. It was all close up on it and shiny because of the lube so it was highlighted even more.

Same with razor burn or obviously not shaving right before. Your vagina is your job, take care of that! That is what everyone is starring at, it should look it's best.

Sure there are a few other things that drive me insane but this is all that comes to mind at the moment. But despite these things I will continue my porn watching because I love the hot men and big penises.

6 comments:

Andy said...

Razor burn - I shave my vag before almost every single shoot, but I have extremely sensitive skin and razor burn is almost always present with me (to some degree)...especially if I've JUST shaven and someone is using lube or spitting on my pussy...I get a rash. It's uncontrolable.

...and as for talking, a lot of time there is a director behind the camera making sign langauge motions for us to talk more, or they tell us before hand to "talk as much as possible, you can't ever talk enough".

Kinky said...

That's interesting article!

Anonymous said...

True actually Some of the stuff really annoys me too.. I love porn...
and sometime it gets boring nowadays...

davidssecretrightnow said...

Great article. I couldn't agree more.

Some things I have to add to the list:

- Bruise marks. Sure I know we all get them for whatever reasons. But use some coverup. Don't need to be watching anyone who looks like they just got a charlie horse.

- If you are going to go with some plotted story(the brazzer or NA movies) stick with it. Don't start off being the sisters hot friend then magically 20 minutes later don't become the guys wives friend.

- This one may be a matter of preference...but if you are going to wear hot boy shorts(which there should be more of, i must add ;) ) then show them. Show how hot they are.

- If she is going to dirty talk don't make it completely repetitive. I mean, do you really need to say how good his big cock feels every 3 minutes?

- This one is more for the production companies. If you are going to have a directory directing the moves make sure he/she doesn't get picked up on the mic. It happens more often than you would think. Listen closely.

I have many more pet peeves but I will leave it at that ;)

Christal T. said...

Um.... can I just say that I LIZZAALOOVEEE your blog? I wish I had your job... like foreal. Why am I studying to be nurse? No idea. All I know is that sex (the action and the idea of it) is fun and that I wish I had more of it or rather, get paid for it.

As for me, I wish that pornos would have more sounds outta the guys. It's not fun to hear the girls moan and have the guy be completely mute. I mean, guys have feelings too right? PLus its totally hot hearing manly moans and grunts every once in a while...

Anonymous said...

I love sounds and talking. I'm totally turned on by good sex noises. No matter how great the video is and how hot the couple is, if there is no sound, I don't respond. I love a noisy blowjob. Most girls are almost silent. I've noticed that if I make more manly noises (within reason) my spouse gets off faster and harder. So, don't completely pooh-pooh noises and sounds. For some of us, they help make the scene. BTW, awesome blog. Keep up the excellent work.