Sunday, May 2, 2010

I Am Not Your Vagina

One of the greatest things about what I do is being able to give people advice about sex and/or help them find a toy they would really like. Usually people have an idea of what they want and what turns them on and you can give them a few suggestions. But then there are a few of those people who really have no clue what they are doing and what they want and they think I have all the answers. I’m not going to lie, I do have most of the answers but most of the time there is no one answer to this stuff.

When I used to work at a sex store and still on my site I will get the classic comments; “Well I don’t know what I like, what do most people like?” or “What do you like?” Pretty much they want me to put a toy in their hands and tell them this will definitely get them off. In certain situations that can be done with some toys. But it’s not that simple and they don’t seem to get that.

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This is where my favorite line used to come out. Usually after someone asked, “Well what do you think will get me off?” after giving me no information (i.e. internal or external, vibrating or not) I would simply say “I’m sorry I’m not your vagina so I have no idea what it likes, you need to tell me what it likes.” They would then ask what I used because whatever I used must be perfect. I would show them but remind them our vaginas are not the same and they may like different things. Sometimes just to mess with people I would point to the biggest dildo we had and convinced them that was my toy of choice, those looks were priceless.

It doesn’t stop there. They would ask if I thought a certain internal vibe would fit in them or did I think that the toy was too big for them. “Again miss, I have no idea what your vagina looks like and what it can handle so I don’t know.” They would ask, “Well can you fit this?” I would always say yes, it was usually true with the exception of a few massive toys. One day maybe, just have to practice.

This would happen with anal too. Asking me if this butt plug will fit in them. “Sorry sir I don’t know what will fit in your ass.” Man, “Well does it fit in yours?” Me, “Yes but our asses are not the same so I don’t see how that will help the situation.” They ask if they will like it and get them off. At this point you want to smack them in the face but you keep the smile on your face and play along.

So in ending, I am not your vagina or butt. I have no idea what will get a specific person off if you have no idea yourself. I will try my best and suggest what I think will work the greatest for you. However I am not a sex toy psychic that can read you and your vagina and know exactly what will make you come. Although that would come in very handy with the men folk.

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