Thursday, May 27, 2010

Downtown Girls Review

I am so glad a movie like this has been made. The way it was shot, the camera angles, the lighting and pretty much anything about the production of this movie was awesome. I’m not surprised though since the amazing Nate Liquor did it. It really is cinematic smut at it’s finest. Now that being said I was not stoked on all the people in the movie, but hey I can’t have a thing for everyone in porn now can I? But even though I was not into some of the people in some of the scenes, I still enjoyed watching the movie for the production value. A lot can be said of that I think. I also really liked a lot of the wardrobe the girls were wearing. Not your typical cheesy porn outfits but some classy stuff.

The movie from Zero Tolerance follows downtown girls and the naughty things that they do. Some write in their diaries, some take naked photos and some model naked. So basically downtown girls like to do things and then have a lot of sex. If I were to be a downtown girl my thing would say “Downtown girls like to play with unicorns then get pounded by their hot ass tattooed boyfriends.” I should tell Nate my idea and see what he says.

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Two of my favorite male porn stars get down and dirty in this movie. First Rocco Reed makes me swoon and has a devilish grin. Plus he has an awesome body. James Deen has always been one of my favorites, so hot. Although now that I’m friends with him it’s not so much of a big deal when I see him in scenes. Mainly too because he is in everything and I see him a lot! But he is a fantastic performer and sexy so it’s only rightfully so he is in so much. Rocco has a hot scene with Sara Sloane, which was a good way to start the movie. James puts his penis in Juliette Bardot, which definitely got me wet from watching it.

Ashli Orion has a pretty sweet music video all about cock and how much she likes it. I was not expecting that part at all but I liked it. She then has some sex with two guys, neither of which were really my type so I wasn’t too into the scene. It was cool how it started out in a voyeuristic way. I did think it was funny when Ashli is supposed to be a diva and yells at Nate. Which would never happen in real life, who could ever yell at Nate?

There was some hot girl on girl action with Sara and Georgia Jones. There were some pretty cool camera angels during that I liked. Only I would pay attention to camera angels while naked girls are on screen eating each other out. Other naked people on screen were Faye Reagan with Dane Cross and Isis Taylor with a guy I don’t know. I was not into these scenes but if you are a fan of any of these people they will not disappoint you in the least bit.

I really hope Nate makes future installments of this movie. I was super impressed with his directing and style. I wish more movies were made this way, I would then watch more porn. Which would be non-stop porn watching considering how much I already watch. But needless to say this movie gave me a lady boner and I look forward to more being made. (Nate remember unicorns!)


Monday, May 24, 2010

Tori Black is Pretty Filthy Review

Check out my latest review on Rancho Carne.


Thursday, May 20, 2010

Lucy Vonne on The Morning After Podcast

I love sex and I love to laugh; to my delight I got combine these two things while being a guest on the hilarious podcast The Morning After. I met the charming Eli Olsberg and Jake Weisman out at a bar one night. They had just finished their debut recording with Dana DeArmond and she invited them out to our get together. I got to chatting with them and they invited me to be a guest on their podcast. I gladly said yes! I really had so much fun with them and want them to be my new best friends. Really so I can just listen to them bicker because it is really amusing. Hopefully I get to go back and do another show. But for now you have to check out the episode I am on now! LISTEN HERE! Also on the show was comedian Sean Green who was also a blast.

No need to click read more, just go listen!


I'm In A Porno....

Don't get too excited, all my clothes are on. I had the fun opportunity to be an extra in the upcoming Burning Angel movie Bartenders. Here is the trailer, enjoy!

No need to click read more, go buy the movie!


Wednesday, May 19, 2010


Check out my latest review on Rancho Carne.


Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Ask Lucy Vonne; Butt Sex, Tranny Porn and How Often to Masturbate

I always welcome people emailing me and asking me advice and questions about sex. Now with this new website Formspring a lot of people have been using that as a means to ask me all sorts of questions, and I mean all sorts. Not all are advice, some are personal questions, some are comments and of course some are random hate mail (those just make me laugh). From time to time I'm going to post some of the more advice related questions from there so everyone can learn a thing or two. Remember you can always email me at with any questions or comments you may have.

Click read more for this week's questions

Dear Lucy Vonne, how does one go about trying anal? is it worth it or should i just stick with regular?

Well it is definitely not for everyone, there was a point in time where I never thought I would do it. For me I am learning to get better at it. I have only done it like 3 times. I want to get better because I know my boyfriend likes when we do it. As of now I like it, it's nothing out of this world for me but I do enjoy it. If it is something you really want to try go for it. But please use lube, always use lube! The anus does not naturally lubricate itself like the vagina does so it needs some help. Also don't use the numbing creams because while you may think it's nice to numb it, feeling pain lets you know when you should stop something. You are much more likely to hurt yourself when using those. Yes it may hurt at first but that does go away, and if doesn't you know to stop. Plus if you are numb you won't get any pleasure out of it and that's the whole point. If you are imperative on using something like that, use a relaxing anal lube. It helps keep the muscles from tensing up so things can go in easier.

Often people like to use butt plugs beforehand to open themselves up. Then you can get comfortable with something just being there before dealing with a penis going in and out. Just remember it's ok to go slow, it's better to go slow. Then when you get used to having something in there you can go for it. At first it will feel strange and may hurt a little, but that feeling will pass. Good luck!

Dear Lucy Vonne, Does it matter what kind of porn someone watches? My boyfriend watches straight m-f porn but I've also seen some she-male and "18"yr old videos mixed in.

Sometimes people watch some kinds of porn because they are just curious about it. Doesn't mean they will always act on it or want to try it. But most of the time people do watch what turns them on. I know I've watched some stuff just to see what it's about but it's not somethings I'm in to. However if it is something he is watching on a regular basis it's probably something he gets turned on by. He might not want to act on it but you will never know unless you talk to him about it. If you are really worried I would suggest talking to him about it.

Dear Lucy Vonne, how many times a day is it ok to masturbate? I feel like my vibrator is always on!

As much as you want! Sometimes I masturbate on and off all day long, at least ten times sometimes. As long as you aren't hurting yourself I say keep going at it. The only bad thing is you might go through a lot of batteries.


Monday, May 17, 2010

Check into My Vagina!

You are probably thinking how can one check into my vagina? I kid you not with this statement. I'm sure you have heard of this app that is on the rage for kids on their Iphones called Foursquare. When I first heard about it I thought it was a waste of time and who actually uses this thing. Well being bored one night I decided to check it out and download it. Basically you can check into places you visit and gets points and compete against your friends on it. You can also become the mayor of places if you check in more than anyone else.

While looking through it I realized you could put you own check in points for other people to check into. Mostly people were putting their houses or places they liked. That's when the dildo went off inside my head (get it like light bulb, I know I'm hilarious) and came up with an ingenuous idea. I hadn't seen anyone do it, which shocked me but I guess not everyone is as dirty thinking as I am. I proceeded to add my vagina as a check in. Now people can check into my vagina.

Unfortunately it's not attached to the location of my phone, so anywhere I decide to have sex one cannot check into my vagina. Only works when you are near my house. Which is where I have the majority of my sex so that's fine with me. I wish I could approve who can check in there because I noticed someone checked in who has not actually visited my vagina, wishful thinking. Really only Brian Street Team has set up camp there, he is actually the mayor of my vagina. I know some places give mayors special discounts and privileges which means I should probably offer up some fun stuff to him (more butt sex perhaps....).

Side note: Brian can know check into my butt, I'm sure he will be the mayor of there too in no time!

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Sunday, May 16, 2010

Kristina Rose is Slutwoman Review

Check out my latest review on Rancho Carne.


Sunday, May 2, 2010

I Am Not Your Vagina

One of the greatest things about what I do is being able to give people advice about sex and/or help them find a toy they would really like. Usually people have an idea of what they want and what turns them on and you can give them a few suggestions. But then there are a few of those people who really have no clue what they are doing and what they want and they think I have all the answers. I’m not going to lie, I do have most of the answers but most of the time there is no one answer to this stuff.

When I used to work at a sex store and still on my site I will get the classic comments; “Well I don’t know what I like, what do most people like?” or “What do you like?” Pretty much they want me to put a toy in their hands and tell them this will definitely get them off. In certain situations that can be done with some toys. But it’s not that simple and they don’t seem to get that.

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This is where my favorite line used to come out. Usually after someone asked, “Well what do you think will get me off?” after giving me no information (i.e. internal or external, vibrating or not) I would simply say “I’m sorry I’m not your vagina so I have no idea what it likes, you need to tell me what it likes.” They would then ask what I used because whatever I used must be perfect. I would show them but remind them our vaginas are not the same and they may like different things. Sometimes just to mess with people I would point to the biggest dildo we had and convinced them that was my toy of choice, those looks were priceless.

It doesn’t stop there. They would ask if I thought a certain internal vibe would fit in them or did I think that the toy was too big for them. “Again miss, I have no idea what your vagina looks like and what it can handle so I don’t know.” They would ask, “Well can you fit this?” I would always say yes, it was usually true with the exception of a few massive toys. One day maybe, just have to practice.

This would happen with anal too. Asking me if this butt plug will fit in them. “Sorry sir I don’t know what will fit in your ass.” Man, “Well does it fit in yours?” Me, “Yes but our asses are not the same so I don’t see how that will help the situation.” They ask if they will like it and get them off. At this point you want to smack them in the face but you keep the smile on your face and play along.

So in ending, I am not your vagina or butt. I have no idea what will get a specific person off if you have no idea yourself. I will try my best and suggest what I think will work the greatest for you. However I am not a sex toy psychic that can read you and your vagina and know exactly what will make you come. Although that would come in very handy with the men folk.


Saturday, May 1, 2010

New Job!

This past month some changes have gone on with my work. As most of you know I was working at The Stockroom when I first moved out here. I love all the people there and the company but at the end of the day I decided that job wasn't really for me. I made the decision to resign and look for another job. And wouldn't you know I landed an awesome one.

I just accepted a job at Zero Tolerance/Evolved Novelties doing sales. I'm wicked excited to start and I think I will be really good at it. I know a lot of the people in the office and they are a lot of fun. Plus I will be selling toys and porn, I love selling toys and porn. This time around it's not in a retail setting, I'm on to bigger and better things.

Plus hot male porn stars that I know come in and out of the office, I'm going to enjoy working there.

No need to click read more.