Saturday, March 27, 2010

Dating A Porn Star Featured On The Neave


A little while back I was approached by The Neave to write an article for them about sex. I was told I could write about whatever I wanted. For awhile I have thought about writing about what it is like to date a porn star. It's not something you see everyday. Hell I never even thought it would happen one day. But it has and I have fallen head over heels in love with him and couldn't be happier. I was told that it has been one of the most popular articles they have had. So go check out my article on The Neave! Or you can cheat and click read more and read it here.



"I am in love with a porn star. And no, it’s not one of my schoolgirl crushes I have gotten in the past from reviewing porn and interviewing male stars; this time it’s real. A few months ago I entered into a relationship with a man that works in the porn industry as an actor. It really is the most amazing and perfect relationship I have ever been in. And yes, he sleeps with other girls for work.

Dating for me has never been easy doing what I do, and I don’t even do anything that risqué. But the minute you mention that sex is part of your profession guys only see one thing and presume things about you. I am a sex blogger; I review porn, sex toys and male porn stars. I also used to work in a sex store, I have done nude modeling and now do marketing for The Stockroom.com, which is one of the biggest online sex stores. Yes, I am constantly consumed with and thinking about sex, which was hard for men to see past. They never saw me as the girl to have a relationship with; I was just the hook up. Or if I did start dating someone, they couldn’t deal with my job and would freak out. You have to put on a certain persona and guys couldn’t separate that from the real me. It makes complete sense that I end up in this type of relationship because not only do I understand him but he gets me.

I technically knew my boyfriend for several months before anything happened, because we didn’t meet in person for a really long time since we lived on opposite ends of the United States. We first made contact on Twitter. I mentioned I needed a male porn star for my “Porn Stud of the Week” on my site. He joked that I should interview him (I don’t think he thought I really would) and I agreed. The minute I saw his picture and researched him for the interview I harbored a major crush. The interview was awesome and we stayed in touch over the next few months. A great deal of dirty text messages were sent and flirting was done. I never thought much about it, he was just some hot tattooed guy who did porn and sent me pictures of his penis. But there was something genuine about him that made me pay attention. We finally came face to face this past December and it was pretty instant between us. I didn’t know what to expect when I met him and I had no idea what I was in for. Everything clicked between us and it felt so amazingly right. It was only a matter of time before we were officially together.

Not many people have the mindset I do to date someone who works in porn. I know plenty of people who have said to me “I don’t know how you do it.” When I first started working in this industry I always joked about dating a porn star but never thought it would actually happen. I didn’t know if I could handle the sex with the other girls. I have been cheated on in the past and could never handle it. Sometimes a girl gets jealous and insecure about things. But when it came down to it I knew that if I found the right person then I could handle it. What most people don’t understand is that it is just work. Yeah, it so happens to be a different kind of work then most are used to but it doesn’t mean anything. It’s a job just like any other job. You go to work, do what you do and go home. I completely understand that. There are no emotions exchanged, those are saved for me.

It’s no surprise one of the first questions I get asked is how do I actually handle the fact he has sex with other girls. I’m sure people look down upon me for dealing with it and compare it to him cheating on me all the time. He doesn’t cheat on me; his job is not cheating to me. He would be cheating on me if he constantly slept with other people outside of work, but he doesn’t. In his personal life I am the only one he is with, I am the one he comes home to, I am the one he wants, I’m the only one he cares about and I’m the one he loves. Of course, some couples have open relationships and they sleep with whomever they want which is fine for them but that’s not for me. I know a lot of couples in porn that are completely faithful to each other. They have no desire to be with anyone else. The common link between all these couples though is they both work in the industry in some way or another. There is no one-way to have a relationship these days. You have to find what works for you and your partner. Do I wish he didn’t do porn? In the grand scheme of things, yes, but I would have never met him if he wasn’t in porn. Porn brought us together; thank you porn! I would never ask him to stop because of me. It is his life and I support him in what he does.

Self esteem and confidence has never been my strong suit and I’m constantly working on improving those qualities. I will admit sometimes it is difficult dealing with these issues and dating him. He is surrounded by gorgeous girls in the industry and has many adoring fans constantly telling him they want to fuck him. And he plays along and flirts back and says dirty things to them sometimes. Majority of the time it doesn’t bother me because I flirt too and have guys hitting on me but every so often it hits a nerve. That little voice in the back of my mind goes off – “What if he finds someone else much prettier than me, did he really mean that….” I think that is something that will never fully go away for me. It can be intimidating when he says the girl he is working with is this gorgeous famous porn star with an amazing body. “How am I supposed to compare to that?” wanders through my head. But then I pull myself back to reality and remember none of it means anything.

I am not alone in what I do. I know tons of people who aren’t in porn that date porn stars. The catch is, like I said before, that the majority of them also work in the industry in some way or another. I’m sure a few of them don’t but most of the time they are involved. Finding someone outside of this industry that can understand the inner workings is not always easy. There is still a big stigma about the people that work in it. Not everyone is a crazy sex fiend who needs to sleeps with everyone and parties all the time. For the most part people are pretty normal; just a little more perverted than the average human. Working in this industry definitely skews your thinking and mindset. Lucky for me I already had that mindset in place. I can separate work life from my personal life.

My family knows what he does. They read my site and even before we started dating he used to pop up on there from time to time, so they knew who he was. They support me and my relationship. They see how happy I am and how he treats me. When my dad met him he said that he was my best choice to date. My mom and I have had conversations about what he does and she understands my logic. Honestly, they have me for a daughter, they must have seen this coming!

I’m sure we will have our obstacles in the future like any normal couple, may it be porn related or not. We are a normal couple; we have stupid inside jokes, hold hands, call each other pet names and have freaking amazing sex! (I finally found someone who has the same high sex drive as me; jackpot!) But in my mind I am not dating the porn star, I’m dating a man who just happens to have an interesting hobby. Porn does not define him, his values or goals in life. In reality I’m in love with Brian, and he just happens to be a porn star.”


Well there you have it, I'm dating a porn star! AND IT'S AWESOME!



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