Thursday, December 10, 2009

Ask Lucy Vonne: Over Sexed or Just Very Sexual

Dear Lucy Vonne,

Lucy, Hi, I have a very long question/comment, possible dilemma that maybe yo can help me with. I'm a 38 year old male, in good shape, good looking, and still have all my hair :) I lost my virginity at 13 to another much more sexually experienced 13 year old girl. I played doctor with more then three different girls on my block growing up and got caught "experimenting" with another girl when we were 9.

My first exposure to porn was at a very young age maybe around 6/7, I can still smell the fragrance of the 1978 Playboy magazine and hear the sound of the draw when I opened it. I didn't know why but it gave me great pleasure. My first porn I ever saw was the X rated version of Caligula when my father rented it, I was 11 and I seem to recall me and my three brothers all watched it together.

My longest relationship, one year a few months removed was 3 1/2 years and remaining faithful was the most difficult thing I ever did. Everyone of my relationships I ended because I couldn't be monogamous. Matter of fact I don't ever think I can just come home to the same person day in and day out. I'm currently seeing three women, I have a very active sex life and rarely have a problem making women cum, it's more important for me that they do before I cum. I watch a lot of porn, sex is always on my mind, I masturbate at least every day and still am never satisfied with just one woman.

I've thought about being involved in porn countless times, I still look at least 10 years younger and have been told plenty of times that I'm an amazing fuck. I've thought maybe I watch too much porn, but put it down for a week and still didn't help. I've had a former therapist of mine tell me that sticking my dick in a vagina was like my oxygen and that I felt I needed to do this to live. I have had sex with hundreds of women, I really can't count, and want to have sexy with countless more, I don't feel myself and my sex drive slowing down anytime soon. My father says that his father could still get it up in his late 80's. My dad's favorite actor of all time was John Garfield, one reason because he died the same way my father wants to go out, on top of a women with his cock inside her pussy!

So my question for you then is, am I oversexed? How many times a week, a month, or a day does a normal guy jerk off? I don't want to suppress my sex drive but would like to be able to concentrate on other things attimes other then having my mouth around some hot chick's clit all of the time.
Any help?


To read my response click read more.

Dear Michael,
There are a few things I can lend you my knowledge on. First there is really nothing wrong with not being satisfied with one person. Monogamy isn't for everyone these days. A lot of people live the polygamist lifestyle and have many healthy relationships. But it is very important to make sure all parties are aware of what is going on. Therefore no one gets hurt in the end. You may find many women who feel the same way you do and are ok with the lifestyle.

I don't know the average amount of times a man jerks off. I'm sure it is different for ever man as it is with women. It ranges from never to multiple times a day. Hell I masturbate everyday, sometimes a few times a day. But even I can get over sexed and can/need to go a few days with out it and I'm not sure you can. There is nothing wrong with some self loving though.

Here's what bothers me though. When you mention you want to concentrate on other things at times other then sex. This makes it sound you cannot control your thoughts about it. When sex starts to interfere with your daily life and thoughts and you can't control it then there usually is a problem. When it starts to hurt you and/or your loved ones in more ways then one that's not good. There is nothing wrong with watching lots of porn having lots of safe sex. But with your situation I think there might be a little too much going on. I think you do have a sex addiction if you cannot go with out it. Try going a day or two with out doing anything sexual. If it is a real struggle to get through there is an issue there you need help with. Let me know how it goes. But as long as your sex drive is healthy to your lifestyle then keep doing what you are doing.

I would keep talking to a therapist about this and how you handle your thoughts and urges. Yes I do think someone can get over sexed and have too much of it. But like I said before it's really only a bad thing when it interferes with ones life and in a bad and damaging way. So just look out for your health and the feelings of others in terms of your actions. Don't be afraid to ask for help, no one is perfect.


Jeroen said...


Wonderful answer, Lucy! I agree strongly with Lucy, this guy needs some help. And again, no-one is perfect, as we in Dutch say "elk huisje heeft z`n kruisje" (every home bears its cross).

Michael, good luck. I think it will turn out fine, because you don`t seem somebody who wants to hurt others. The route to a non-sex-addict may be hard, and may feel unbearable, but if there is a will, there is a way ;)

Anonymous said...

He Lucy,
Thanks for the feedback. I will most certainly take your advice and try to direct my focus elsewhere. Don't get me wrong though,it's not like I'm a sex crazed maniac jerking off in public bathrooms every chance I get or something, but it does consume me a little more then I would like. I've thought about going to a Sex Anonymous group before, but it seemed a little too 12 step like for my taste, there's no way I'm giving up sex for Jesus...even if I'm a Jew! The one thing that truly scares me though is that I will never be content with just one woman and I really look forward to being a family man. I've had ex girlfriends tell me that I make them feel like they can't give me enough sexually and I always seem like I want more. In two years I'll be 40, if I'm no where closer to being a family man then then I'll have to make some major decisions with my sex life.
Michael Boyd