Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Did You Just Call Me Snowflake?

I went to a hilarious comedy show last night featuring my darling friend Lindsey Gentile and her partner Kelly Wallace Barnhill. Not life partner people but writing partner, Lindsey loves the penis.....a lot. The title of the show was "Kelly and Lindsey DO New York. Literally." They talked a whole lot about sex and vaginas which made me laugh and I thought it was brilliant.

One part of the show that was really great is when they read the letter they drafted to all the men they would like to stop "hollering" at them. I have been the victim many times of this God damn stupidness. Oh the things I have been called or the noises they make. Yes a grunting noise is going to make me stop in my tracks and come and give you a piece of ass. When you call me snowflake or shorty it makes me wet and I want you. For the love of God give it up already. However if it was done by a gorgeous tattooed man who did make me wet by the sight of him (Lindsey might agree) I would let him call me gumdrop any time he wants. However that is never the case because they guys who do this spectacle are usually old, gross and/or douchebags. I'm making copies of this letter and giving it to people. You should too. 

Click read more to check out the letter they wrote, so funny and true.

Dear Sir,

If you are reading this, you have just "hollered" at a young woman, and this is an act which is DESPICABLE AND REPULSIVE TO EVERY WOMAN ON THE PLANET. Not only can I guarantee that this had never gotten you laid, I can guarantee it never will. Let me ask you what it was that you wanted from me. A smile, a hello, a warm vagina? Let me guess, women usually ignore you, roll their eyes, give you a dirty look, or tell you to fuck off, right? If that's NOT the reaction you want, then STOP talking to women in this manner.

I want you to ask yourself "What makes me behave this was? Is it my cowardice? My loneliness? My insecurity? My utter uselessness as a human being? Or all of the above?" If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, then we know exaclty why you do it: it's for the POWER. And you need power in your life because....... YOU HAVE A SMALL AND USELESS PENIS. Maybe even a micro penis! (Wikipedia that) Listen, you dont have to take this route. A lot of lovely men with small penises conquer great tasks and get laid often.

But hey, only your therapist can help you sort all that out. The bottom line is: we don't really care what you think. So don't "pssssst" me because it's insulting. Don't "hey mommy" me because it's rude. And for the love of God, don't tell me "God bless you", because it's ignorant. Why do you assume I even believe in God. If I were an atheist would I be safe from your bullshit? And STOP doing the "drive by." It's even more obnoxious then actually saying it to my face. When you saw it in my ear at the last possible second that's just being a pussy. So just KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.

In conclusion, please take this free advice and catch up to the year 2009. Stop hollering at women on the street. Maybe just stop talking to women at all. If you want a date, go on eharmony. If you want love and compassion, get a dog. And if you want to fuck, go fuck yourself. Do you have any questions?

Sincerely,
Sign name here


1 comment:

JustinYPA said...

When are men going to learn that women want to be treated nicely, regardless of attire, what the woman was talking about, or any of the other stupid shite men site as a reason to be dumb. "Oh well if they weren't wearing that?" Really? Because I've got tattoos it now warrants everyone and their Mom to come up and mess with me? I don't think so.
Men need to learn that if you're nice to women, if you're respectful, and take the time out to learn about her, that you'll have a real relationship. Nothing "real" can start with some jackass yelling "hey baby.."
It makes me mad, because these idiots give everyone with a penis a bad name. There are some of us raised to treat all women equally. I've got a friends in the sex industry and they deserve to be treated like my friends outside of it. There is never a reason to be a bastard and yell something stupid at her.

So if you're reading this guys. Remember, just because a woman works in porn, strips, or whatever...she's still a person with feelings. Treat her as such, or else you deserve a thumping from someone like me.