Sunday, September 28, 2008

RanchoCarne.com Reviews Up!

A better part of my last two weeks have been spent watching porn - but it was for work, I swear! My Rancho Carne reviewing gig has been so much fun so far. My mom called the other day at about 9:30 AM to see what I was up to, and I loved being able to tell her I was watching porn. I did tell her it was for work, but at this point I could tell my mom I was hosting a midget orgy and she would just laugh at me. Well my first two reviews are up so please go check them out and support me. I get to keep every movie I review - I'm going to need a new book case at the rate I'm going!

Here's the link: http://www.ranchocarne.com/reviewer-profiles.php?tumblemeat=Lucy+Vonne
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Wednesday, September 24, 2008

THIS does a body good?

Taking a daily vitamin is recommended by doctors. But what if you could get some of your vitamins in a much more exciting fun way? I'm talking about semen. While it can be a pain in the ass at some times (especially if it gets in your eyes), in the long run you could get some good benefits from it.

Have you ever wondered what it is made of. It's not all sperm, there are a lot of other components that makes up one's man milk. Such as; vitamin C which is very good for tissue maintenance, blood-group antigens that are good for the immune system, calcium, citric acid, DNA, fructose, Glycoproteins a cancer fighting agent, vitamin B12, zinc, and selenium which is another cancer fighting agent. The list goes on and on of what you find in semen. Don't worry ladies if you are on a diet, because there is only about 5-7 calories per teaspoon. Unless you drink a glass of semen a day, the nutrients found in it really won't do much for you if you only swallow once or twice a day. I guess I'm going to have to up my blow job quota for the month. Another good reason to swallow is you have less of a chance of developing preeclampsia; a high blood pressure disorder that can come with pregnancy.

But what if you don't want to swallow? Some guys like to watch it trickle down your chin or gracefully land on your breasts. Well that's good for you too. Semen contains a protein which can have a tightening effect on the skin. As the water evaporates the protein remains on the skin temporally stretching out fine wrinkles. All the natural substances in semen aid in skin repair and increase blood flow bring in more nutrients to the skin.

Retired porn star Lyn May is behind the company in Mexico producing a skin cream with semen as one of its main ingredients. She backs the claim that semen erases wrinkles and leaves the skin soft. I will not be buying this. First of all semen cream from Mexico, sounds a little sketchy. Plus I will just go out and find my own semen and mix it with my Neutrogena and Ta Da, Lucy Vonne's Man Milk Cream! I see an infomercial in my future.

A study done at the State University of New York at Albany is saying that there is a positive correlation between unprotected sex and lower depression rates. They are saying that semen contains components that relive stress and lower depression. The vagina absorbs the components and they can be detected in the bloodstream a few hours after sex. Now I'm not saying go out there and have a whole bunch of unprotected sex. However if you are with someone you trust and you just happen to get some of that wonderful semen in your vagina, bonus not only is your vagina happy it just had a penis in it but you will be happy too.

So ladies and some men don't be afraid of the semen, embrace it. Now if only I could convince guys that going down on a girl helps them gain muscles mass.
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Sunday, September 14, 2008

Lucy Vonne On: Talking About My Personal Life

I would like to make a moment and comment on how I go about talking about my personal life AKA sex and relationships.(In response to Adri Leya saying why she hadn't). If I were to use someone's name, I would always ask that person if they didn't mind. I would never embarrass someone or say mean things about anyone and use their real name in the process. Unless you screw me over, it's all down hill for you from there.

Lucky for me I'm currently allowed to talk about what goes on with Chris and I, because he doesn't mind. And on that note, he gave me multiple orgasms yesterday.

However, I will never get into all the details about the sex that we have or intimate things we might talk about. Even though I openly talk about sex, there are some things that I want to keep private between the two of us.....(most of the time Adri Leya knows too). So yes, I do have some morals that I will continue to live by day to day. Most likely you will get a few juicy details from time to time, but only when I feel its appropriate in response to what I am writing about; which could be soon because I have a few toys I want to try out on him and review.

I will tell you it's too bad Adri Leya doesn't talk about her sex life because do I know some stories about her, hehe.
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Exxxotica Adventures!

This past weekend as you all know, I traveled to New Jersey for the Exxxotica New York convention. It was not as big as the one I went to in Miami a few years ago, but it was still pretty good. Of course it was packed with skeevy-looking men with all their posters and magazines for the stars to sign. There was even this one guy who had an extremely large binder with him just filled with signed pictures. That takes dedication, and a lot of lube. I didn't end up taking pictures this time, but I did get some really good autographs.

Best take-home was my Pirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge poster I got signed. The first actress who signed it was Stoya, and she also signed one of my DVD covers. Stoya complimented me on my tattoo, her favorite part was the rubber duckie (thank you Ben Pease). She is adorable is person and hardly wears any makeup - you would never guess she is a porn star. She let me know that Sasha Grey was coming soon, who could also sign it.

Next in line was Jesse Jane. Adri Leya claims that Jesse's my porn alter ego. Jesse is so tiny and petite in person, but her breasts still stand out. Her husband Rick Patrick was there with her taking pictures. He towers over her, he must be almost 7 feet! She was also sweet and signed my Pirates 2 poster.


When Sasha Grey got there the line was so long and I did not want to wait in it again. Chris, my special man-friend who accompanied me, suggested I go over to the random guy waiting in line and sweetly ask if i could get in front of him just to get her autograph. Chris waited away from me or else it probably wouldn't of worked. I sweetly asked, and the man let me cut him in line. Let me just say I LOVE Sasha Grey. I would totally be her friend in real life even if she wasn't a porn star - she is wicked nice. I mentioned to her I was jealous she got to work with Charles Dera in Babysitters because it was one of my favorite scenes. She told me that she accidently hit him in the nuts when she was going down on him, but they didn't put that in the movie.

The one person who was in Pirates 2 I saw but didn't get to sign was Tommy Gunn. I should have just gone up to him and asked, but he was just walking around. His muscles are so big, and he is very tan. And just as I pictured it, his hair was so spiked up with gel. I just wanted to go over and touch it - his HAIR, people. Sick.



Bree Olsen also signed one of my DVD covers. For one freaky dirty girl, she is nothing like that in person. Super sweet and adorable. I think I would be friends with her too. I saw the guy with the binder in line for her autograph twice.

Teagan Presley was greedy. I understand charing money for movies and polariods with a star, but to charge for just an autograph. There is no need for that, but she was charging $5 for it. I still got her to sign my DVD cover. She was wearing a Tom Brady jersey today, so I will give her props for that. She asked me if my monroe piercing hurt because she always wanted to get one.

I only saw Stormy Daniels there today. She is a diva, but I still think she is probably pretty nice. I had her sign my Operation Desert Stormy DVD.



Other stars I saw were; Ron Jeremy (I was scared he would grab my boobs again), Savanna Samson, Gina Lynn, Sunny Leone, Kayden Kross, Hilary Scott, Joanna Angel (she is shorter then me), Hanna Hilton (not pretty in person), Gianna, Sunny Lane, Lexxi Tyler (Chris thinks she is a man), Arianna Armani, Morgan Dayne, Mckenzee Miles, Gianna Lynn, Audrey Bitoni, Roxy Deville, Flower Tucci, Taylor Wane, Travis Knight, Penny Flame, and a whole lot of ugly girls who should have no been half naked.

Not as many vendors as I was hoping for, or free samples - that's usually the greatest part of the whole thing. Overall, I did have a really good time, although I was very sad that neither Jean Val Jean or Scott Nails were there. You've got to have someone there for the ladies, and if they do this again next year I better see them there. Or I'm writing a mean letter. Now I have to get my Pirates 2 poster framed!!
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Monday, September 8, 2008

Lucy Vonne On: Exxxotica Here I "Come"!!!

Thank god this whole matter has been resolved. http://avn.com/video/articles/32154.html They have just decided to move the venue to another convention center. So with this being resolved I bought tickets for Chris and I to have a sex filled weekend, and also go to the convention. Now I just have to find a hotel for Saturday night, because we are doing it up right this weekend. My mom told me to have fun and to watch out for Ron Jeremy grabbing my boobs again. If you are curious to what happened last time I went to this convention take a look at my pictures on facebook. http://www.new.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2010107&id=13001164
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Lucy Vonne On: Mayor Simmah Down!!!

This coming weekend is the Exxxotica NYC, which I plan on attending. I have been to the Miami one before with Adri Leya where we were both fondled by Ron Jeremy (my mom told me to get tested). Today while browsing the news on AVN I came across this: http://avn.com/video/articles/32142.html . Ok mayor, you need to simmah down now!!! Who does he think he is - the mayor?? Does he want to crush my dreams of the slight chance Jean Val Jean will show up and I orgasm from the sight of him?? I will be pissed if he shuts it down. I will keep you posted.

UPDATE: Exxxotica has made a statement and are not going down easy: http://www.exxxoticany.com/pdf/X08NY_Statement.pdf

Mayor: City Will Take Legal Action to Shut Down Exxxotica NY

By David Sullivan

SECAUCUS, N.J. - Mayor Dennis Elwell has announced that he intends to stop the Exxxotica NY show from taking place this coming weekend at the Meadowlands Expo Center.

According to NJ.com, the city plans to use zoning laws to shut down the three-day adult consumer expo.

"A pornographic convention where alcohol is served in violation of state law and at a facility adjacent to a nursery school and playground is not the sort of atmosphere I'll allow in Secaucus," Elwell said in a statement to the press.

Elwell and other city officials have called a press conference to address the situation Monday at noon at the Harmony Early Learning Center in Secaucus.

Many of the adult industry's biggest stars, studios and vendors are scheduled to attend Exxxotica NY, which is produced by Philadelphia-based Victory Tradeshow Management and sponsored by HotMovies.com.

AVN contacted Exxxotica organizer J. Handy, who provided the following statement:
“Victory Tradeshow Management has been made aware of the present situation surrounding our upcoming Exxxotica New York show to be held at the Meadowlands Expo Center in Secaucus, New Jersey, September 12th through the 14th. We were notified that the owners and/or representatives of the Meadowlands Expo Center have been given notice of an intended hearing. Local officials are opposing the event and are seeking legal avenues in a last-minute attempt to block the show.

"Our attorneys are in contact with the parties involved to make sure that Exxxotica New York complies with all applicable with all state and local laws, and any and all measures are being taken to make sure that the event takes place as scheduled. This consumer show is only accessible by those 18 years of age and older, and all exhibits are on the convention floor. We will keep updates as they become available on our corporate website, www.vtshows.com.”

The NJ.com report states that according to Elwell, one of the exhibits at the convention is called "violent dehumanization." That description came from a blurb for Joanna Angel's "Strip for Pain" show, which referenced "tongue-in0cheek violent dehumanization"; the event is no longer advertised on the Exxxotica NY site.

Victory Tradeshow Management has produced four successful Exxxotica conventions in Miami Beach since launching the event in 2005. This year's Miami Beach show drew a reported 22,000 attendees.

First announced in June, the Meadowlands event is the first Exxxotica convention to be promoted in the NY/NJ area.

Publish Date: 2008-09-07 16:49:48
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Saturday, September 6, 2008

The Layaspot

While I love my Lelo Gigi, not everyone is so keen on shelling out over $100 for a vibrator. So, if you are living on a budget the next best thing you can get for your clitoris is the Layaspot by the German company Fun Factory. Along with Lelo, Fun Factory is a company I always recommend to people. Not only do they have great design and motors, they are not super pricey. Plus, they come in all sorts of shapes and fun colors.


While the Layaspot only comes in one shape, it is available in at least 5 or 6 different colors, and they're always coming out with new color combos. One of the great things about the Layaspot is it is curved to fit with a woman's body, and fits perfectly in the palm of your hand. And don't feel left out fellas - because of the curve in shape you can put it at the base of your testicles too. It's great if a lady wants to hold it there while giving you oral pleasure.

There are about 5 speeds that start out hardly vibing to super strong. When you hit the top speed, you can hold down the button to get vibration patterns, kind of like morse code for the vagina. The one downside is that the pulsations are only available at the top speed. It is made of medical-grade silicone, which is the best possible material for a toy to be made of. However, because of that, if you use lubricant you must make sure it's water based. The Layaspot also happens to be water resistant, so take that baby into the shower. Fun Factory even has a 6 month warranty on their toys, so just in case you vagina burns it out in under that time, you can get another one. This is a great quality toy that if taken care of properly it will last you a good few years.
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Friday, September 5, 2008

Lucy Vonne On: The Verizon Man Saw Me Naked and Other Life Updates

Awhile back Adri Leya mentioned that I was to be on the Tyra Banks show. Well, much to the dismay of the general public, this is no longer so. The topic of the show was to be all about sex, but the producers called last minute and said that they were changing the topic, and if I was in the mood for a makeover I could still be on the show. I turned them down because I'm pretty sweet already, so there isn't much room for improvement, haha. They did say that they would keep me on file for when the topic comes back up again, so hopefully that happens. In the end it was fine, because I was able to fly to Florida with my mom and Lily (my lil' sis) to bring Lily to the University of Tampa where she is going to college. I'm so proud of her.

I have a new gig, and it deals with porn. Starting this week I will be a reviewer of porn for the website RanchoCarne.com. They enjoyed my Happy Blogtime blogging so much they thought I would be a good fit - and the greatest part is that I get free porn!!!!!! Now my time will be consumed with porn viewing, not very different from what it already is. I'm awaiting my first shipment of movies and will update you all on my reviews and where to find them.

And lastly, I think the Verizon man saw me naked. Let me explain. I drop my phone a lot and after dropping it last night, the audio stopped working. So I brought it to the Verizon store this morning hoping they could fix it. They couldn't, so I had to get a new phone. They transfered all my numbers, and I asked if they could transfer my photos and videos. And the minute I said that I though 'Oh Shit.' You see, I have a nice collection of x-rated photos and videos on my phone that I have sent to Chris in the past and have yet to delete. And with my luck while they transfer everything it would probably pop up on the screen. Thankfully the guy didn't pay attention to the phone as the data was transferring, and I thought I was in the clear. He gave me back my phone and with a smile on his face said he even put my old background picture up for me. Well, in order to get that background picture he would have had to go into my pictures and choose it. Which would mean scrolling through the pictures of me not covering up my parts. Meaning the Verizon guy saw me naked. Now I know what he was smiling about.
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