Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Phineas K. Rimmington Hearts Rimming.

Ah the subject of rimming. What used to be such a taboo subject and not on the minds of anyone has becoming a fun treat for all to share. I myself recently got into anal play, and let me tell you ladies it's not that scary. I actually really enjoyed it. Plus men love it when you do it to them. Not all will admit they like a tongue down under, but once you do it they will ask for more.
My dear friend Phineas K. Rimmington is pretty much an expert on the subject of rimming. I asked him to share his knowledge of his favorite pass time so when you are prepared to indulge in this activity you are completely prepared.

Click read more to read his article on anilingus.

The Rim of Your World
Phineas K. Rimmington

Anilingus. Rimming. Salad tossing. Ass eating. Whichever of these terms suits you best, two truths hold firm about this erotic oral activity. One is the definition: The licking of the anus. Second is the fact that it feels amazing and is fun to do! As my dear friend, sex educator, model, and burlesque performer Courtney Cruz once said, “I don’t care who you are or what you’re into. A tongue in your asshole feels fan-fucking-tastic!”

Well I’m here to endorse that idea wholeheartedly and let you happy, pretty, and sexy people know that rimming is not just okay, it is magical. Everyone from Joe Six-Pack to the Hockey Mom want and deserve to be getting their salad tossed on a regular basis. And so do you! So read on and allow me to take you through the facts, preparation, safety tips, technique, positions, and sheer joy of rimming.

Preparation, Risks, and Safety Tips

So as with every aspect of life, especially sex life, it is of the utmost importance that one be educated before diving in! Most people have one primary fear when it comes to some good old-fashioned ass licking. That being the cleanliness/infection factor. When it comes to rimming and STI’s the primary potential infections are as follows: gonorrhea, hepatitis (A and B), Chlamydia, human papiloma virus (HPV), herpes and genital herpes, parasites, and syphilis. Wait! Come back and stop crying! The risks for these infections are honestly very low as long as both participants are responsible, educated, clean, and honest. It’s true one can never be too safe, so if you and/or your partner are not comfortable with direct mouth to rear contact you can still enjoy this blissful act. “Using plastic wrap with a dab of lubricant on the side that touches his [or her] hole can give you protection but still let you both feel the heat“, says New York City doctor Dan William, MD, “as will cutting a condom lengthwise to form a barrier” (ref: www.thebody.com). Also consider using dental dams, be sure to get your hepatitis A and B vaccinations, and of course, regardless of what your practices are, every sexually active individual should get tested for HIV and STI/STD’s every six months!

As far as cleanliness, no one wants to lap up sweaty fecal matter. I don’t. You don’t. If you do, then I still support you, but I will never make out with you. Ever. So that being said, this simply comes down to a matter of proper communication and preparation. If you are planning or hoping that your partner (or one night stand) is going to dive face-first into that delicious ass of yours, then it’s up to you to properly prepare. Prior to hopping into the sack or before you go out to find someone to join you there, simply back one out, follow with a thorough anal douching, and be sure to pay extra attention between those cheeks when showering. This will ensure that your rear entrance is squeaky clean both inside and out.

Anal douching can be done a few different ways. My recommendations are to use either a bulb (or ball) douche which is efficient and also small so, if and when necessary, it travels easily. There are quite a few different companies that make these so take your pick. My other recommendation is to use a shower attachment. Jim Diamond makes a few very easy and efficient anal cleansing systems which attach either to the shower head or sink faucet. You can adjust the water pressure and temperature easily, it hooks up in five minutes or less, works great, and can be used not only for functionality but also for play! For more info on anal douching, simply look it up online. There’s a wealth of information to be found regarding products and instruction.

Once you’re done with your internal cleansing routine, just wash that booty with a little extra oomph in the shower. Show those cheeks, crack, and hole some love with hot water and soap. Bonus points for using a good scented soap in this instance! I recommend any of the scented bathing gels from the brand Kama Sutra, especially Clove and Ocean Blu.

Now I understand that some of us have demanding schedules or other restricting conditions which prevent this kind of in-depth preparation on a regular basis. The application of a fantastic product known as Sphincterine (marketed as an "ass-stringent") works fantastically if you're in a bind, or just be honest with the person you’re about to shag. If they want a taste of your money maker and you haven’t properly prepared, simply tell them “Not tonight” and hold firm to that response. Some ass-eating zealots will try to sneak back there anyway. Slap them.

Let Them Eat Salad

Now that the facts and warnings have been laid out, we can get to the yummy part! Telling your partner to shut up and eat it! Okay, maybe not quite those words. They might have you sleeping alone on the couch. But the point is you may now know the full euphoria surrounding this delicious oral activity, whether you’re the one with someone’s mouth nestled in your butt or you’ve got someone happily seated on your face. Both sides of this equation can be very rewarding.

Physically speaking, the anus is home to a wealth of nerve endings, therefore any stimulation in that region, especially with the tongue, is going to spark quite a reaction. For a woman, the nerve endings of the anus are second only to that of the clitoris, so quite a hot spot for her too! On a mental and emotional level, there is hardly any form of foreplay that I know of that can make someone feel as all-around sexy as having someone shove their tongue in their ass. The joy and intense sexual excitement that stems from the very idea that someone finds you so desirable that they want to taste every inch of you is unparalleled. On the flip side, being the one working your partner’s hole with your tongue can be every bit as much of a turn on. Seeing and hearing their reactions can be highly stimulating and gratifying. So much so that some, myself included, prefer to be on that side of the equation. And, dammit, licking a clean hot ass just tastes great!


Now when it comes to the way you intend to feast on your lover’s ass, you must of course take into account what your partner likes, what you like, the chemistry between you, and the mood of the moment. There are a few aspects that should remain unchanged when rimming your partner. Pressure and handy work. When rimming your partner it’s always a good idea to keep your hands busy. Simultaneously massage the cheeks, back, the legs, etc. Your hands may also find their way to the front to show some synchronal love to the penis or clitoris. Interspersing some finger play to the ass is usually a good thing too. For those who do not like to be anally penetrated in any way, simply rubbing and applying pressure to the anus with the thumb will still feel great. For men, applying pressure to the perineum (better known as the taint) always makes for a good time.

There should always, always be a good amount of pressure applied with the tongue. Analingus without any pressure of the tongue (sometimes barely making contact at all) is what I like to call “ghost rimming”. Unless you are intentionally trying to drive your partner crazy with the plan of eventually delivering, ghost rimming is boring, pointless, and can sometimes drive people to violence. If you’re going to lick someone’s ass, don‘t hold back. Lick it!

Slow Motion
One way to go about it is slow yet strong licks combined with occasional laps and kisses to the cheeks. A good way to think of this one is that you are actually making out with your partner’s ass. This would be a much more sensual and/or romantic way to play out this rapturous form of foreplay.

Rimming in this way is much more vigorous and impassioned. Not only is the tongue involved but there is also additional action from the lips and jaw. This would be a truer act to define the phrase “ass eating” since that is the motion being simulated. While the extra pressure, vigor, and even grazing of the teeth are enormously stimulating, one should be careful not to actually bight down to harshly (unless that’s what your partner wants, that naughty vixen).

Tongue Fucking
This would be the most intense, firey, and raw form of analingus around. When the exterior of the anus is just not enough! As the name of this act would indicate, there is penetration with the tongue involved in this case, making the cleanliness factor all the more important since the licking has now gone “indoors”. Tongue fucking usually requires a firm spread of the ass cheeks as well as thrusting movements not just with the tongue but also with one’s entire head. For those out to win the gold with this one, be careful not to hurt your neck in the process.

There can obviously be blending of these core techniques. Working your way up from slow to ferocity. Moving sporadically from one motion to another. This is obviously up to you and your partner. The main point, obviously, is to have fun!


There are so many different positions and ways to get your face buried in someone’s salad, I can’t even list them all. Okay, I can but I don’t have that kind of time. So some of the more popular and fun ways to orally pound someone’s ass are below.

The receiving partner “sitting” on (or straddling) the other’s face, either facing forward or in a reverse cowgirl position. It is important to keep in mind that one should not literally sit, as in put all weight, on someone’s face. That can be uncomfortable, even painful, and potentially cause difficulty in breathing. If your partner wants you settled down more than you are, they’ll let you know by pulling your ass down onto their face. Best to let them make that call. This can also easily translate into a very fun form of Position 69.

Ass in the Air
The receiving partner either flat on their stomach, on all fours, or in a bowing position (think yoga) while the other enjoys the ass buffet.

Hamstring Stretch
The receiving partner laying on their back with their legs up, leaving a wide open target for their partner’s mouth. There are quite a few varieties to this one. The legs can be held by the partner delivering the rim or by the recipient. The legs can also be raised to varying degrees or rest on the “attacker‘s“ shoulders.

Upside Down Cake
The receiving partner would be 100% ass and legs in the air. This would leave either just the head and shoulders on the surface if they’re on their back, or possibly just the hands and/or head and chest (leaving the upper body in a push-up position) if things are flipped around depending on flexibility and strength.

So there you have it, my darlings! A brief schooling in the sacred art of analingus. I sincerely hope that many of you will come to know (or continue to know) all the glory that lays therein. The next time you’re in bed (or bathroom, living room, elevator, etc.) with someone and you find yourself with a scrumptious ass near your face, I want you to look at that hole, be a maverick, and lick away!

As a very wise person was once quoted to say, “Lastly, people of the world, do not deny yourselves butt hole pleasures. It’s not that icky back there. I promise.”

*All suggested items in this article, as well as the sexy writer, can be found at your friendly and reputable New York City Pleasure Chest.


Monday, December 29, 2008

The We-Vibe

For a long time the only toy out there for couples was a vibrating cock ring. Now don't get me wrong those can be fun, but you can't always convince a guy to put a cock ring on. I have used one and I wasn't that impressed with it. I prayed one day that the sex gods would produce a much better product and now they have. 
Ladies and bad boys I give you the We-Vibe. This is the first toy of its kind that can be worn during sex/love making/fucking/pounding.....you get the picture. It hugs the vagina just right giving great clitoral and g spot stimulation at the same time. It can be
 used alone or with a partner. 
Made of medical grade silicone, which is one of the best materials to make toys out of, it conforms nicely to a woman shape while she uses it. It's only about 3.25 inches long and about 1 inch wide. The size makes it great for travel or to just keep in your purse. I mean it is super quiet so if you want to slip in in while on the subway no one will know.  
Because it's such a high quality toy it's made with some fantastic features. Hands free, strap free, and wireless oh my. No remotes hanging off to the side or trying to hold it into place. I don't know about you but I need my man's hand free to do some spanking and hair pulling. It's also waterproof for endless hours of fun in the shower or rain. For those who are trying to go green you will enjoy that the We-Vibe is rechargeable, no batteries. 
Yes men you can have some fun with this too. Not only can you enjoy it while having sex with your lady but it works as a solo toy for you. Insert the internal piece in your anus and the external piece will massage your perineum. Have that in while getting some head.......heaven!
This needs to be the next toy in my collection. I want this thing so bad. I know a good toy from a bad one and what will last. This is one hell of a toy. My vagina deserves the best and this is what it needs. 


Friday, December 26, 2008

Getting My Name Out There.

First I'm sorry I have neglected writing this past week. However being home for the holidays doesn't leave much time. But I'm back and ready to give you sexy time! Plus I started my new tattoo, and it's the best thing ever.
But on a quick note I'm now a contributing reviewer for the Pleasurists. Head there and find my name to find my reviews. Woo who for self promotion. Next stop my own television show. I promise I'm a delight to watch and very entertaining. Just ask my roommate, she can't get enough of me. 


Friday, December 19, 2008

Cooking with Cum

Not sure what to get that professional cook friend of yours this holiday season. Well this is the perfect gift for anyone with an adventurous side. Natural Harvest-A Collection of Semen Based Recipes will be the perfect addition to their cookbook collection. Written by Paul  "Fotie" Photenhauer, who claims he is not a freak but just passionate about cooking with cum. He makes a pretty good case in his description of the book.

Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants.  Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen in the kitchen is. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients - you will love this cookbook!
I'm all for trying new things, but this is something I'm still undecided about. I'm not a semen connoisseur or anything but never once while having semen in my mouth have I thought "This would make a fantastic glaze for my chicken I'm making later." Plus semen never tastes the same, it varies from man to man. I wonder if this will affect how the dish you prepare tastes. I can see it now, "Honey I'm home and starting dinner. Now get in here and take off your pants. The recipe calls for 2 cups of your man milk." 
The recipes range from creamy cum crepes to tuna tartar. I am rather intrigued, I might have to try a few out and see if they actually taste good. But first I need a donor! Who's available? 


Thursday, December 18, 2008

Glass is My New Best Friend

I have just entered the world of glass sex toys and I'm loving every minute of it. I have always been curious about the glass ever since I started work at The Pleasure Chest. Everyone who I spoke to about it claimed it was one of the greatest things ever. After much consideration and wanting another toy to play with, I chose to indulge in glass. Of course I went with the best and got a piece from Phallix. Each piece is hand blown by an individual artist which makes them all one of a kind. 
I know what you must be thinking, is it safe? What happens if it breaks? That would be a fun trip to the hospital. Phallix pieces are made of medical grade pyrex; a brand of borosilicate glass that is more durable then regular "soft glass." It can withstand up to 3,000 lbs of pressure. My dear friend Kasey put this to the test and once threw a Phallix toy at a brick wall and it didn't break. Next test, my kegel muscles.
Another great point is that glass holds temperature 
rather well. It warms to your body heat or if you can't wait you can drop it in some hot water. For the adventurous you can also leave it in the freezer for a bit. But that just makes me think of the pole/tongue situation from "A Christmas Story" and I don't think my vagina can handle that. If you put plenty of lubricant on I'm sure you can avoid a reenactment of that scene. 
My first piece I bought for myself was the colorful twister in blue. I say first because I plan on buying many more of them. I went in with mixed feelings and came out satisfied with delight. It warmed up to the touch quick and the lubricant made it so slick it was great and slid right in. I couldn't put it down and I didn't for almost half an hour. I was surprised at
how pleasurable the hardness of it was, great for g spot. 
Being a completely non-porous toy it was so easy to clean. Just mild soap and hot water did the trick. It also happens to be dishwasher safe. Just don't let the kids empty the dishwasher or you may have to have a long talk later......
So go get yourself a glass toy today. They are so pretty you could leave them on the coffee table as art. I had a woman come into the store to buy a bunch of them because she was decorating her kitchen in art deco. Now that's a classy lady. 


Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Presidential Pleasure

Do you think our new president Obama is sexy and you would like nothing more then to have your way with him. Well now you can, and his wife will never know!
San Francisco based company Ozam Group LLC has come out with their first novelty item dedicated to our fearless leader. And you guessed it, they have created a dildo with the face of Obama on it. Called the "Head O State" it stands at 7.5" and almost 2" in diameter. If that is based on true facts, then Mrs. Obama is one lucky lady. It's made of phthalate-free TPR rubber and capable of going under water. Available in Democratic Blue or Presidential Gold he is sure to have a good time in your oval office. 
The shape of the dildo is perfect for you ladies out there to hit your 
g spot with ease. I wish you could do this with any person's face you wanted. If that were the case I would have me about 7 Jean Val Jean dildos, hell I would get me a doll. He can hang out when I not home with my roommate and keep her company. But that just means she would want a Henry Rollins doll to compete with mine. This could get interesting.
So if you want a close personal relationship with the president then order yours today!


Tuesday, December 16, 2008

E-cards for Every Occasion

This day in age who really talks face to face anymore. Which is sad because there is nothing that can replace human contact. (But my Gigi is doing a wonderful job at trying) However I do fall into the category that sometimes it's easier to say something over the phone, text or email. 
E-cards are one of the greatest things. Especially if you suddenly remember it's someone's birthday or anniversary and you didn't send them a card. There are e-cards for every occasion, and I do mean every occasion. 
There are about 15 million new STD cases every year. Most of the time people have no idea where they got it from because their partner or hookup was too scared to tell them. Well now you have no excuse for not telling them, all you need is an email.
Inspot created a program where you can anonymously send an e-card to someone to warn them they may have a STD and need to get tested. There is no way the receiver can trace who sent them the card. You can leave a personal note if you would like along with the e-card. 
Along with the cards the website offers you information on where you can get tested and STD facts.  Also provided are counseling programs and support groups to help you through. 
The e-cards do have a little humor to them to break the ice. However I was hoping for some dancing cartoon characters in the form of herpes and gonorrhea. It would be sad to learn you have an STD but be suddenly be cheered up from the fantastic little dance herpes is doing, I didn't know he could break dance like that. Or maybe a word search and the left over letters spell out what disease you have. 
In all seriousness to not tell someone they need to get tested is irresponsible. Now being able to tell someone anonymously you have no excuse.  For your own sake make you get tested every six months because there are still those idiots out there who will not think twice about not telling you they have a STD.  There are many free clinics out there for you to go to. I've been to them before and it's not that bad. Plus they play the most amazing movies about safe sex with fantastically bad acting. It's like health class all over again. 


Sunday, December 14, 2008

Sporty Girls Review

Check out my latest review at Rancho Carne. 


Friday, December 12, 2008

Help the Planet and Recycle Your Dildo.

Ever had a toy break down or dildo start to fall apart? (Hopefully from too much use) These days all sorts of companies are offering to recycle your old and broken products. The next big thing, recycle your sex toys
Dreamscapes LLC has started a company wide commitment to green. They pride them selves on being "dedicated to reducing waste and protecting our environment by providing a creative alternative got the disposal and recycling of used sex toys." 
So rather then throwing away your old toys or giving them to your neighborhood kids to play with as swords, why not do something good for your planet. They accept all toys; anything from dildos to vibrators to plugs. Don't worry about taking out the batteries because they will recycle those too. Simply put your cleaned toys in a zip-lock bag and send it off to the warehouse. Yes people clean your toys, not one wants to smell your sex juices except your significant other or perverts. All toys are disassembled and each part and material is sent to the proper place to recycle. 
Yes it's alright to shed a tear when you send off your old friend on to bigger and better things. Remember all the good times you have shared and all the late nights you spent together. Your were always there for one another. But your spirits will lift when you find out you get rewarded for your good actions. Dreamscapes will send you a $10 gift card to use on your next purchase
So say your goodbyes and help the planet by recycling your toys instead of just throwing them out. Think of the things they could use it for. However that makes me wonder what my new Tupperware containers are made of.


Thursday, December 11, 2008

Cuntourage Review

Check out my new review on Rancho Carne!


R.I.P. Bettie Page

Legendary pin-up queen Bettie Page died today in a Los Angeles hospital, she was 85 years old. Page was admitted on December 2 when she suffered a heart attack and was put on life support but never regained consciousness. Best know for her 1950's pin-up photos she helped bring on the sexual revolution in the 1960's. She was gorgeous and one of a kind. Bettie Page will always be remembered for her seductive curves and free spirit attitude. 

Come Back Jean Val Jean

My life changed the day I discovered porn star Jean Val Jean. He was not my type at all, but my god that body of his and devilish grin. Plus he penis looks fantastic and from what I see from his movies his oral skills are wonderful. I came upon him in a movie called Hush which is one of my favorites. After that I was on a mission to get all the movies I saw that he was in. I got a real good collection going. I even found a movie from Playgirl called "The Sexual Exploits of Jean Val Jean," I almost died. 
But then the horrible happened. I recently found out that Jean Val Jean has left the porn world. Yeah I'm not going to lie, I might of shed a tear or two. He was
 one of the best male performers out there by far. How could he do this to me and the women who love him. 
Apparently he wants to become a "real" actor and is now going by his birth name of Emmanuel Delcour. For awhile he was trying to keep his porn past a secret but like always it got out. He hasn't done any big mainstream movies, just a few independent ones here and there. I have decided to forgive him for departing porn and support his new dreams. But no one will ever be able to replace him in my heart as the best male porn star there ever was. For now I will just have to be satisfied with my other favorites; Scott Nails, Charles Dera, James Deen, and new comer Johnny Sins. To me Emmanuel will always be Jean Val Jean and one day I hope he realizes he belongs in porn and that he also needs to marry me. 


Wednesday, December 10, 2008

One Wild and Crazy Night Review

Check out my latest review on Rancho Carne.