Friday, August 22, 2008

When I Think About Me...

If people didn't masturbate, I would be out of a job. Lucky for me, a lot of people do it. Hell, I masturbate at least 5 days a week, I can't help it, it's just so wonderful. I wasn't always so gung-ho about masturbating. I never really did it until about a year ago - now I can't stop. And I'm here to tell you there is nothing wrong with a little masturbation; it's actually been proven to be very good for your health.

Back in the day, it was said that masturbation was harmful and wrong. Men were made to believe it would lead them to disease or disorder because of the loss of semen. Women were told with the loss of vaginal fluid they were at a risk for hysteria, jaundice and epileptic fits. And I'm not dead yet, so this can't be true.

A recent survey found that the more frequently a man masturbates between the ages of 20 and 50, the less likely they are to get prostrate cancer. It helps build his resistance to prostrate gland infection, which makes for a much healthier and happier prostrate - and who doesn't want a healthy prostrate, really. Masturbation will also improve his immune system's function.

ALERT: Men reading, if you're pussies about a lady's time of the month, do not read the following paragraph. You've been warned.

Ladies, bust out those vibrators because its good for you, too. It builds up your resistance to yeast infections which are like hell in your panties - it's great to do when Aunt Flow comes to town too. It combats pre-menstrual tension and other physical conditions associated with your period, like cramps, and relieves painful menstruation by increasing blood flow to the pelvic region. This reduces pelvic cramping and related back aches. Don't worry, this doesn't mean your vagina turns into the Hoover Dam. Double-clicking the mouse, ladies, can also relive chronic back pain and increases your threshold for pain.

There are things that benefit both sexes. Masturbation is the safest kind of sex, free of STD's (I still prefer the sex). It's a great stress reliever and mood booster, releasing endorphins - which would explain why I'm so chipper today. Flicking the bean/tugging the lure can also be a natural sleep sedative, and helps for building stringer pelvic floor muscles, which can lead to better sex.

Combined with my Wii hula hooping, I have the pelvic muscles of a sexual super-hero. Best of all, it's a natural pick me up, because it can relieve depression stress and lead to a higher sense of self worth. Masturbation isn't just for single people, its great for couples too.

A few more reasons why you should start loving yourself:

  • It can be empowering, especially by helping you to feel better about your body's sexual response. You can figure out how to give yourself the most amazing intense orgasms ever, which you will then know how to recreate with that someone special.
  • It will increase your sexual awareness, letting you know what really turns you on (boys with tattoos). The sensations and movements that work best to give you fantastic sexual gratification.
  • It has the potential to enhance your sex life in general, boosting your sexual confidence and turing you into a better lover. Some professionals consider it to function as a cardiovascular workout. Now you know what that dark room at the gym is for.
  • It can even lower blood pressure.
Wow, masturbation is wonderful. I might have to start doing it two times a day. And on that note, where's that Lelo Gigi of mine?

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