Friday, August 15, 2008

The Monkey Rocker

There is one toy in our store that constantly gets people freaking out and coming in just to see it. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the Monkey Rocker. Imagine the rocking chair you mother used to rock you in when you were a baby. Then, take away the back and put a dildo on it, and you've got yourself the Monkey Rocker.

This machine is for the true sex toy collector and user. Weighing only 25 pounds, you can carry it home right out of the store. There are a couple of different versions; there is the original one which is only $800. If you want to get fancy and really show off, you can get customized ones - which is really just picking different colors and paint finishes, or having it look like it was carved out of wood. Those will only cost you around $3,000.

I was sad to find out that customizing did not mean I could bedazzle it with my name and unicorns, but that's always something I can do myself at home. The Monkey Rocker is made mostly of a special medium density fiberboard called perma core. Its made from 100% recovered and recycled wood fiber. So, not only good for the vagina, but also the environment.

This machine isn't only for women; men can use it too. The ones I have sold at the store I have actually sold to men. Not only is it great for masturbating, but it's also a great ab workout. Sometimes if I didn't play enough Nintendo Wii that day I will work my abs on it at work. But since I have my pants on at work, the dildo just pokes at my vaginal area which is still a little enjoyable. It's pretty durable too, considering I have actually stood on it like a surfboard and rocked back and forth. I almost fell off so I figured I should probably not do that anymore.

It comes with an attachable dildo, but you can use any one you want. It is capable of using a Vac-U-Lock dildo or the Monkey Rocker comes with an O-ring to attach a regular dildo or your choice. If i had one at home I would keep it in my living room and decorate it with Christmas lights for the holiday. Although, my roommate is Jewish, so maybe I could also put a menorah on it. You know, for spiritual equality.

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