Friday, August 29, 2008

The Lelo Iris

One can never have too many sex toys. I mean really, do you wear the same pair of shoes every day? No, so why should you play with the same toys all the time - unless you are in love with your toy, its always good to try new things.

Awhile ago I decided it was time for me to get a new toy. Don't get me wrong, I love my Gigi - I still use it all the time. However, Lelo has a much larger and stronger internal toy that I really wanted. I knew I had to get it when it arrived in a new color of rose. It's called the Iris and in my opinion its the strongest internal toy that we have at The Pleasure Chest. When ladies say they want some power between their legs I give them the Iris.

I'm not exactly sure how many speeds it has because I always turn it to the highest, but i know its around five. And like the Gigi, you can use the vibration patterns at any speed. The fantastic thing about the Iris is that it has two motors which give off two main "pleasure points," as Lelo likes to call it. And when you put the last vibration pattern on, it's like a tidal wave motion of delight, also extremely quiet and no batteries needed.

At this point I have more chargers for vibrators than I do cell phones. To be honest, I have never orgasmed from the Iris alone, but I have never had an internal orgasm from masturbation, only sex. What can I say, my vagina knows what it likes, and it prefers a penis. My clitoris, on the other hand, love the vibes, bring on the toys! That's not to say that the Iris is not truly enjoyable - I do use it a lot. Sometimes if I want to be all charged up I use both toys at the same time. The Iris has a slight curve to it so if you maneuver it just right you can hit the G-spot with it. I don't think I would use this for play during sex because it is on the larger side, unless my man friend was all about me and was just using that on me. But for external stimulation I will stick to my Gigi for now as opposed to using the Iris.

Lucy Vonne and Gigi BFFs!!!! If you want a fantastic internal toy thats going to last you for years and will never let you down then come see me at The Pleasure Chest and get yourself an Iris. You won't be sorry.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Lucy Vonne On: Food for Erection

There are always new foods and diets we are being told to consume to keep us healthy. Well, now there is a list of food a man can eat to give him a powerful erection - a superhero erection even - but don't be sad if its only a sidekick erection, not everyone can be Batman. But Batman, if you are reading this please contact my roommate, she wants to have your babies.

Men (and desperate women), your next list of groceries can be found in this article from Men's Health:

Friday, August 22, 2008

When I Think About Me...

If people didn't masturbate, I would be out of a job. Lucky for me, a lot of people do it. Hell, I masturbate at least 5 days a week, I can't help it, it's just so wonderful. I wasn't always so gung-ho about masturbating. I never really did it until about a year ago - now I can't stop. And I'm here to tell you there is nothing wrong with a little masturbation; it's actually been proven to be very good for your health.

Back in the day, it was said that masturbation was harmful and wrong. Men were made to believe it would lead them to disease or disorder because of the loss of semen. Women were told with the loss of vaginal fluid they were at a risk for hysteria, jaundice and epileptic fits. And I'm not dead yet, so this can't be true.

A recent survey found that the more frequently a man masturbates between the ages of 20 and 50, the less likely they are to get prostrate cancer. It helps build his resistance to prostrate gland infection, which makes for a much healthier and happier prostrate - and who doesn't want a healthy prostrate, really. Masturbation will also improve his immune system's function.

ALERT: Men reading, if you're pussies about a lady's time of the month, do not read the following paragraph. You've been warned.

Ladies, bust out those vibrators because its good for you, too. It builds up your resistance to yeast infections which are like hell in your panties - it's great to do when Aunt Flow comes to town too. It combats pre-menstrual tension and other physical conditions associated with your period, like cramps, and relieves painful menstruation by increasing blood flow to the pelvic region. This reduces pelvic cramping and related back aches. Don't worry, this doesn't mean your vagina turns into the Hoover Dam. Double-clicking the mouse, ladies, can also relive chronic back pain and increases your threshold for pain.

There are things that benefit both sexes. Masturbation is the safest kind of sex, free of STD's (I still prefer the sex). It's a great stress reliever and mood booster, releasing endorphins - which would explain why I'm so chipper today. Flicking the bean/tugging the lure can also be a natural sleep sedative, and helps for building stringer pelvic floor muscles, which can lead to better sex.

Combined with my Wii hula hooping, I have the pelvic muscles of a sexual super-hero. Best of all, it's a natural pick me up, because it can relieve depression stress and lead to a higher sense of self worth. Masturbation isn't just for single people, its great for couples too.

A few more reasons why you should start loving yourself:
  • It can be empowering, especially by helping you to feel better about your body's sexual response. You can figure out how to give yourself the most amazing intense orgasms ever, which you will then know how to recreate with that someone special.
  • It will increase your sexual awareness, letting you know what really turns you on (boys with tattoos). The sensations and movements that work best to give you fantastic sexual gratification.
  • It has the potential to enhance your sex life in general, boosting your sexual confidence and turing you into a better lover. Some professionals consider it to function as a cardiovascular workout. Now you know what that dark room at the gym is for.
  • It can even lower blood pressure.
Wow, masturbation is wonderful. I might have to start doing it two times a day. And on that note, where's that Lelo Gigi of mine?

Friday, August 15, 2008

The Monkey Rocker

There is one toy in our store that constantly gets people freaking out and coming in just to see it. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the Monkey Rocker. Imagine the rocking chair you mother used to rock you in when you were a baby. Then, take away the back and put a dildo on it, and you've got yourself the Monkey Rocker.

This machine is for the true sex toy collector and user. Weighing only 25 pounds, you can carry it home right out of the store. There are a couple of different versions; there is the original one which is only $800. If you want to get fancy and really show off, you can get customized ones - which is really just picking different colors and paint finishes, or having it look like it was carved out of wood. Those will only cost you around $3,000.

I was sad to find out that customizing did not mean I could bedazzle it with my name and unicorns, but that's always something I can do myself at home. The Monkey Rocker is made mostly of a special medium density fiberboard called perma core. Its made from 100% recovered and recycled wood fiber. So, not only good for the vagina, but also the environment.

This machine isn't only for women; men can use it too. The ones I have sold at the store I have actually sold to men. Not only is it great for masturbating, but it's also a great ab workout. Sometimes if I didn't play enough Nintendo Wii that day I will work my abs on it at work. But since I have my pants on at work, the dildo just pokes at my vaginal area which is still a little enjoyable. It's pretty durable too, considering I have actually stood on it like a surfboard and rocked back and forth. I almost fell off so I figured I should probably not do that anymore.

It comes with an attachable dildo, but you can use any one you want. It is capable of using a Vac-U-Lock dildo or the Monkey Rocker comes with an O-ring to attach a regular dildo or your choice. If i had one at home I would keep it in my living room and decorate it with Christmas lights for the holiday. Although, my roommate is Jewish, so maybe I could also put a menorah on it. You know, for spiritual equality.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Lucy Vonne On: Wii Teaching Me Man-Riding Skills

Recently I purchased a Nintendo Wii, which has taken over my and my roommate's world. This past Tuesday, I took my addiction to a whole new level when I got to the Nintendo World store 2 hours before it opened to wait in line to buy Wii Fit. Well, I got one, and have only made the addiction worse.

Which brings me to why I'm writing this blog. One of the aerobic exercises you can do with the Fit console is hula hooping. Not to brag or anything but I was quite the hula hooper back in the day - it really is a great work out. So today when I was standing on my Wii board moving my hips around in circles it made me think of another activity. This is an amazing way to perfect your man-riding skills. Seriously, I was pretty much doing the exact same thing on this board that I was doing on Chris last week. And it's a really good workout, I was really wet when I was done. Not that kind of wet, you pervs - I was pretty sweaty. So needless to say I started thinking dirty thoughts as I was trying to catch hula hoops on my Wii. My carefree days of hula hooping are over. Because now every time I start moving my hips I'm going to start thinking obscenities. You know our friendship was meant to be when my roommate came up with the same conclusion.

Hitachi Magic Wand

Ever witness someone getting turned on by the sound of a jack hammer? Well, then that person must own a Hitachi Magic Wand. It's been around for ever and became popular again when seen in Sex and the City, when Samantha tried to return it to the Sharper Image. Truth is that it really is a back massager - that's what it was originally made for. However, soon alternative uses for the Hitachi were found.

So many people come in the store and claim "hey, my mom has that.....wait a minute" and then they get grossed out. The Hitachi had two speeds, low and high. The low speed is still pretty intense, but some women need vibrations similar to a jack hammer, apparently. It's also really noisy, so your neighbors would have a pretty good idea what you are up to. There are no batteries and it plugs into the wall, so you can't walk around with it. Over the past few years sex toy companies have begun making attachments for the Hitachi. Because on its own you can only use it for clitoral stimulation, unless your vagina is the size of a soda can, it's not going up there. Companies such as Vixen and Nexus have created a few attachments to make your favorite toy internal fun. I love this thing, I use it all the time at work. Not on my clit (unless I'm alone in the store hehe) I use it on my back and neck - which is really the reason I want it. It does wonders on my sore muscles from playing too much Nintendo Wii.


Sunday, August 3, 2008

Lucy Vonne On: Balls

Last night was rather uneventful at work, until, at one point, an older gentleman came in wearing very short shorts. And no man should don shorts of that length unless you are stripping for me.

He wandered around the store looking at things. I noticed peripherally that he was bending down to check out the fake vaginas, and when I turned to respond to him asking the price of an item, I saw balls. The gentleman was squatting with his legs open and his junk just hanging out the side. Oh, and by the way, it was adorned with a lovely gold hoop. I answered his questions and tried to get the image out of my head, but he continued to ask me more questions, each time squatting in a new part of the store. I then had the image of old man balls in my head for the rest of the night. Not pretty.

Friday, August 1, 2008

My Dirty Mind

People are always asking me about why I’m so interested in the sex industry. What makes a young girl want to get into that type of work? Well, what makes someone want to teach or play sports? It's because they love what they do.

Well, mom and dad, what can I say - I love sex. I’m fascinated with everything that has to do with it; I have no problem whatsoever talking about anything to do with it. You want to know how much I masturbate, pull up a chair and we’ll chat. You want to talk about the fantastic sex I had this month; I’ll give detail (I’m talking multiple orgasms good). I’m not afraid to say I love sex. I talk about sex all day long, even if I’m not at work. I have a dirty mind, I can’t help it. I say penis and vagina more in one hour than you probably say all week.

My mom tells people she should have seen this coming. Joan (my mom) likes to relay the naked Barbie story to everyone. When I was younger she over heard me playing with my Barbies one day, and what she heard was Barbie telling Ken she needed to put clothes on, to which Ken replied “you look alright to me Barbie.” Joan says it now all makes sense.

My Barbies were constantly naked clanking against one another as I made them have Barbie sex. I once found a Hustler Magazine when I was babysitting at the age of 10 and was so fascinated by it. And when the kids went to bed I would read them. This was also the house I discovered the Spice Channel at. Good stuff.

Because of what I do for a living, sex is part of my every day. And that is not to say I’m desensitized by it at all, but I’m comfortable with what I want, how I want it and how often I want it.

I watch a lot of porn; it sits next to my Disney movies on my shelf. Sometimes I put it on just because. Not because I want to get really turned on and masturbate but because I just feel like watching porn. Aren’t there days where you just want to watch a horror movie? It’s like that.

Sexuality is nothing to be afraid of or ashamed of. Everybody does it, so why not talk about it? So many people come into the store and whisper or turn bright red when they are talking to me. Society has made them feel that sex is not to be talked about - keep everything behind closed doors. For some people that works for them, and I have nothing against them. But that’s not how I function.

Now, not everything about me has to do with sex. I’m addicted to my new Nintendo Wii, I read Harry Potter, I bake cookies, I like to buy shoes, etc. Guys tend to think that because of how I am that I will gladly jump into bed with them, but that’s not the case at all. I don’t go around sleeping with whatever I can find; I’m a one-guy type of girl. I like having that special someone.

I will always talk a lot about sex. And if you can’t handle it, then don’t talk to me. I am not going to censor who I am.

My family still loves me dirty mind and all, so you should to. And if you don’t, well, I really don’t give a shit.